


Bittersweet

by kiyooomii



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: :3, Aged-Up Character(s), Angst with a Happy Ending, Backstory, Bad Parenting, Cute Ending, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hinata Shouyou is Sunshine, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, Mentioned Bokuto Koutarou, Mentioned Miya Atsumu, Morning Cuddles, Poverty, Pro Volleyball Player Sakusa Kiyoomi, but like if you blink you miss it, get tissues!, hinata doesnt appear till like the end, little bit of bokuaka, mainly sakusa focused
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:14:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23814430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiyooomii/pseuds/kiyooomii
Summary: As a kid, Sakusa disliked a lot of things, though he supposed he hated elementary school the most. People always said school was meant to one of the nicest times in life meant for you to fondly look back on years down the line. But for Sakusa, school was nothing but a chore. Kids were cruel creatures, after all. They were quick to judge and only capable of sucking up to teachers or playing stupid games.(Though the games were only stupid because Sakusa was left out.)
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 13
Kudos: 178





	Bittersweet

**Author's Note:**

> felt the urge to ignore the other 3 fics in my drafts that will be deleted soon to give the world my own interpretation on Sakusa's backstory. enjoy~

As a kid, Sakusa disliked a lot of things, though he supposed he hated elementary school the most. People always said school was meant to one of the nicest times in life meant for you to fondly look back on years down the line. But for Sakusa, school was nothing but a chore. Kids were cruel creatures, after all. They were quick to judge and only capable of sucking up to teachers or playing stupid games.

(Though the games were only stupid because Sakusa was left out.) 

His father always had trouble keeping a stable job and that was probably the root of all of Sakusa's problems. He was irresponsible and reckless, more times than not which led to him being fired a lot more than Sakusa would like to admit. Convenience stores and restaurants were a few of the low paying jobs that they relied on for their only source of income. Even at a young age, Sakusa could tell something was wrong with his small family. Most kids his age didn't seem to worry about things like when their next meal would be or if there was enough water to shower that night. Dirty clothes had become part of his daily routine and Sakusa never thought he'd know what it felt like to truly be clean. His meals usually came from school since their fridge rarely knew what is was like to be full. (Which meant summers were the hardest part of the year, the growling of his stomach only worsened by the smell of his own sweat clinging to his skin.) It was a frustrating life, that had left Sakusa yearning for water and clothes more than friends and toys. 

As time went on, things only seemed to get worse. 

During the short recess he had at school, Sakusa often sat far away from most of the kids who occupied themselves with playing. He had grown to like the worn down bench that rested underneath one of the few trees on the playground. It was often quiet since most of his classmates thought it was a boring place to be. However, Sakusa never disliked being alone, in fact, he found it more comforting than being around people. (There were less things to be self conscious about when you're alone after all. He didn't have to worry about how others perceived and judged him.) One day, when Sakusa absentmindedly picked at a hole in his shirt, a girl came up to him, disturbing the peaceful atmosphere he was basking in. 

"Hey Sakusa-san, why are you always so smelly?" The words spilled from her lips with ease, though that made sense. Kids were simple creatures who didn't let things like social etiquette or boundaries stop their curiosity. 

"Dad doesn't have enough money for water." The cold truth left a bitter taste in his mouth. The girl only nodded, clearly uninterested in him now that she had her answers. At the time, Sakusa didn't understand that she was only asking so that she could tell the other kids he was a poor loser. He quickly learned his lesson for talking to others the next day as he heard whispers accompanying him everywhere he went.

"Can you believe Sakusa smells so bad?"

"I know right! I didn't even know people could smell like that."

"No, you can't go near that bench! Sakusa always sits there."

"Why do you think he always picks at his hands like that?"

"Maybe he's trying to pick off all his dirt!"

And they laughed and laughed and 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘦𝘥.

From that point on, Sakusa stopped speaking all together. His teachers often urged him to talk in class but he quickly learned that no matter what he said, laughter always followed him. He got through elementary school by silently wiping his tears and averting his gaze from the world. In middle school, everyone grew taller and their words grew a bit sharper. Though after dealing with years of insults, he had gotten used to them and learned how to ignore them. The problem with middle school was that the bullying became more physical. It was rotten food in his locker and his books being tossed into a fountain. Getting him in trouble with teachers and convincing upperclassmen to beat him up after school.

𝘐𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘩𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨.

On a cold winter evening, Sakusa found himself staring up at the darkening sky through his greasy bangs. He was laying on the ground, the bruises covering his body making it to difficult to move. (He doubted that his father would come look for him even if he rested here all night.) There was hardly anything interesting about the sky except for the unreasonably bright moon but for some reason, Sakusa found himself thinking of his mother anyway. She was a beautiful woman, he knew that much at least. But recalling her face had become difficult and he could only cling to the memory of curly, black hair and the two moles on her forehead. The one distinct memory he had of her before she died crossed his mind.

𝘏𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘳𝘮𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘬𝘺, 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘨𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵. 𝘏𝘦 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘭𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘥 𝘢 𝘴𝘰𝘧𝘵 𝘵𝘶𝘯𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘣𝘢𝘭𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘢𝘻𝘦. ("𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴, 𝘒𝘪𝘺𝘰𝘰𝘮𝘪.")

"𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥, 𝘔𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘺?" 𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘭𝘺, 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘮.

𝘈 𝘴𝘰𝘧𝘵 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘬 𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘭𝘦 𝘦𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. "𝘝𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘺𝘣𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴." 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘴𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘺.

𝘚𝘢𝘬𝘶𝘴𝘢 𝘴𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘳𝘮𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳'𝘴 𝘨𝘳𝘪𝘱 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘱𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯. 𝘏𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘳, 𝘢 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘰𝘧 𝘥𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘴𝘶𝘪𝘵 𝘢 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘰𝘭𝘥.

"𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶!"

𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵. 𝘚𝘶𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘭𝘺, 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘶𝘥 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮. 𝘏𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘳𝘶𝘧𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯, 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘵𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘭𝘺.

"𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘷𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘺𝘣𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘰."

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘵𝘩 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘳𝘪𝘱 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘹𝘦𝘥 𝘚𝘢𝘬𝘶𝘴𝘢. 𝘏𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦.

The sky was blurry but Sakusa only blinked to clear his vision. He weakly rubbed his damp face, "Didn't know it would rain today." he mumbled to himself.

(He missed her. The vague image of her embrace was enough to bring him to tears. Why was no one here to hold him? How did he possibly deserve to withstand such cruelty day after wretched day? Why did she die? His mother had no right to leave him before he could truly ever get to know her, it was 𝘴𝘰 sickening. It was cruel and unfair and, 𝘨𝘰𝘥, he was so miserable. Licking your own wounds was so tiring and Sakusa wasn't sure how much more of this he could take. He just needed someone, anyone to be on his side.

But he was alone.)

»»————- ★ ————-««

As the years went by, Sakusa's only comfort was the lone memory he had of his mother since he rarely talked with his father. Their relationship was painfully strained, only being help together by a thread of obligation. But that was okay, Sakusa never expected much from his father anyway. He just did his best to stay strong and his patience eventually did pay off. It was a mystery that he managed it, but Sakusa's father actually got a decent job working at some fancy company with a name too long for Sakusa to care about. It was odd that the man who couldn't even work in a convenience store for more than a month managed to get such a good job, but Sakusa decided not to question his blessing.

And what a blessing it was!

He no longer had to worry about running out of water or melting in a puddle of his own sweat in the summer. Their new home was an apartment in a new town, far away from all of the people who used Sakusa as a punching bag. Pipes overflowed with so much water that Sakusa now had the luxury of showering twice a day. He finally had air conditioning and could enjoy the simple pleasure of going to sleep without being covered in sweat. While to others, the simple three bedroom apartment may have felt like a normal place to live but to Sakusa it felt as if he was living in a castle. He felt normal for once. The first thing he did when they moved in was take a long, hot shower and after that he simply laid on the bed that now wholeheartedly belonged to him.

Along with a new house, Sakusa's father also enrolled him in the prestigious Itachiyama Academy. Since he had always studied hard, Sakusa had no trouble meeting the academic standards set by one of the top high schools in Japan. With so many changes occurring in his life, Sakusa decided to try joining Itachiyama's volleyball team since he knew it was something his mother always wanted for him. High school truly meant a new beginning for Sakusa. It was the first time in his life where he was no longer the center of someone's attention. He could fade into the background and go unnoticed by all around him. Even on the court, he made sure no one noticed him until he swiped points from underneath their nose. It felt good to be good at something and his natural talent for volleyball pleased him. Being at Itachiyama almost made Sakusa understand why so many people thought school could be fun.

Three more years went by quickly when Sakusa poured himself into studying and volleyball practice. He quickly made a name for himself as one of the best aces in Japan by the time he was a second year, and in his third year his team won nationals which only gave him a bigger spotlight. Though the best thing about high school wasn't even how content he felt waking up in the morning, it was the fact that he made his first friend, Komori Motoya. He was a cheerful guy that was the perfect social butterfly but for some reason he truly wanted to hang out with Sakusa. He respected Sakusa's germaphobia and general dislike of people as well. By the time, they were third years Komori even went as far as proclaiming that they were best friends.

(Sakusa would never admit that he always considered them to be best friends from the start, of course.)

After getting used to peaceful days of being normal, Sakusa felt somewhat disappointed when graduation came around. He and Komori kept in touch but they still went to different colleges, which left Sakusa alone for the first time in a while. College passed by even faster than high school did, since Sakusa only focused on getting his degree and improving his skills even further. He was lucky enough to have been offered multiple scholarships since various schools were interested in his skills as a player. When he moved out of the apartment he lived in with his dad, all he did was leave a simple note on their kitchen table. It was a casual goodbye but Sakusa had never truly been close with his father. That didn't change when they moved into a decent home and it probably wouldn't change for the rest of his life but Sakusa was okay with that. He didn't need a family, all he needed was stability.

(Going to college was nothing but precaution in case his volleyball career fell through. He studied something useful that he could always fall back on if he needed to get a job outside of being an athlete. Sakusa couldn't let himself be poor, it was off the table. He wouldn't live like how he did as a child even it meant being unhappy with a job he hated. Growing up in poverty left him with deep paranoia that he wouldn't be able to shake off for the rest of his life.)

After he was done with college, the best decision he had ever made had to have been joining the MSBY Black Jackals. When college ended he quickly looked to join a pro team that he could, hopefully, feel welcomed in. The team he played with during college always found him to be odd and probably wouldn't associate with him if they weren't teammates. Sakusa's interest in the Black Jackals developed by chance when he stumbled upon a video of one of their games while listlessly scrolling through Youtube. There was something about the sense of trust and unity that followed their every move on the court that intrigued him.

His tryouts went smoothly and he was welcomed with warm arms, his quiet disposition doing nothing to deter the team from being interested in him. It may have been somewhat annoying dealing with people like Bokuto Koutarou, who could never shut up about his "awesome manga editor" boyfriend. Or Miya Atsumu, who always felt the need to bother Sakusa with useless conversations that only annoyed him. Despite how unappealing Sakusa's personality was, the team always treated him like he was one of them and never once shunned him.

Being with them was refreshing, it felt as if he finally had a family. (Though he would never admit that he thought of them as such, Atsumu would never stop his teasing.)

"Kiyo-chan, pull the covers down my toes are exposed." whined the half asleep man next to him.

Perhaps the best thing about joining the MSBY Black Jackals was the fact that he got to meet the one person who loved him just as much as his mother.

"Sorry, Shoyo. I was grabbing my phone." he whispered quietly, careful to not disturb the tranquility that surrounded them. Hinata only groaned in annoyance before clinging to his boyfriend's side, his face buried in Sakusa's chest. "You can't grab your phone! I want cuddles." his voice came out slightly muffled as he curled his fingers into Sakusa's shirt. It was nothing unusual for Hinata to be clingy in the morning, though it always managed to warm Sakusa's heart.

"I'll put it down then."

Hinata, still glued to Sakusa's side, mumbled something indiscernible before quickly falling asleep once more. A soft chuckle escaped Sakusa before he hugged Hinata, burying his face in soft amber curls. There was no point in dwelling on the past. He inhaled deeply, cherishing the scent of Hinata's tangerine scented shampoo. His musings were interrupted by Hinata tugging on the edge of his shirt unconsciously. The action brought a soft smile to Sakusa's face as he made himself comfortable, knowing that his future was in good hands so long as he was with Hinata Shoyo.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading :3 leave a comment telling me what you think or if you noticed a typo!


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